(Old #2 and I exchange glances of trepidation)
Me: What? I’m sure it’s Dad’s fault, not mine.
Old #1: No, it is BOTH of you. It is about your noise level.
Old #2 [shouting even tho is 5 feet away]: WHAT?? WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT NOISE??? WHAT???
Me: [laugh laugh laugh]
Old #2: [laugh laugh laugh]
Old #1: THE YELLING HAS TO STOP. AT LEAST AT NIGHT. YOU WOKE ME UP LAST NIGHT!!
Me: What yelling?
Old #2: We don’t yell. What are you talking about?
Me: Last night? I wasn’t even up here.
2: No, she wasn’t
Me: Except that one time
2: Oh right,when I asked you to put the dog out.
Me: Maybe that was the yelling?
2: I don’t think so. Why would I raise my voice? I was right in the same room.
Me: I know. We’re not deaf. Maybe mom is just too sensitive. And the dog could hear us.
1: [can barely speak bc totally suffused with fury] when. you. say. HI. It is TOO. LOUD.
1: [barely forced out] nooooo. maybe not.
Me: Oh! Well then! See!! No WONDER you woke up!
Me: NOT AT ALL!!!
2: You weren’t sleeping soundly then! Actually, you weren’t even REALLY asleep yet!
Me: Right!!! Also, the noise of it wasn’t covering up other sounds; usually the machine running blocks out noise!
2: No, why should we be punished for that?
[neglecting to remember that he doesn’t close it either]
Me: AND: did you turn the fan on? Sometimes you forget to turn the fan on, and then, with the door open and no c-pap on, well—I just can’t see how this can possibly be our fault!
2: You could have turned on the fan! Yes!
1: no. i didn’t. [white with rage. no visible neck. hair seems floaty as though might be standing oddly away from scalp]
2 and Me: WELL!! SEEE!!! WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT?? THIS ISN’T OUR FAULT!!! WHY MUST YOU RUIN OUR FUN EVERY TIME WHEN YOU CAN’T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO SLEEP IN A WAY THAT’S CONVENIENT FOR US?!
parenting guide for grown-ups 