[Blogger took 6 hours off for important social reasons. Apparently no progress made. Liveblogging that is not live continued]
Rep Susan Brooks, R-Indiana(oh, great) has the floor.
Brooks: WAIVER WAIVER WAIVER!! Things! Yelling!! Hey hey hey I wanted to tell you something cool!! Benghazi is in Libya!I Yes! Representative Pompeo told me at lunch, after we ate our graham crackers and had a nap! So cool!
Hilary: Great. Congrats.
Brooks: RED CROSS!! DANGER DANGER—
H: Will Robinson?
Brooks: I AM MAKING A POINT HERE! LIBYA! LIBYA!!
H: Sorry.
Brooks: Did you know this gay ambassador guy that got killed?? Huh huh huh didja didja huh huh whatsamatter catgotyertongue?? Nanny nanny boo boo don’t you know about warsies and shooty stuff and why did you send this person someplace dangerous because right BEFORE nap, I found out that Libya [enunciating very clearly and proudly] is DANGEROUS!!!
H: Sigh. Did you know we have ambassadors in lots of other countries? No. Wait. Do you know what an ambassador even is???
Brooks: [blank expression] I cede my time because I need another graham cracker.
Rep. Sanchez: I cannot even understand how the hell it is almost 8pm and we are still here.
Hil: No shit. Hair check?
S: Perf. Okay, let me apologize for the total timewasting dickishness of the republicans on this committee yet again.
H: You could have totally just left out “on this committee”.
S: I know right?
H: Ok, ask me some stuff that is not rooted in GOP wet dreams and fantasy
S: First I’m gonna apologize again some more, though. I mean, people from other countries can see this shit.
H: No prob; knock yourself out.
H: Huma, where the fuck is my wine? It is WAY after 5pm.
[Rep Martha Roby, R-Alabama, takes the floor]
Rep Roby: So were you alone that night? Totally alone? Like, were there maybe some really small semi lesbians in your bedroom or anything?
H: Well, Bill sure as fuck wasn’t there. [Laughs]
Roby: Why are you laughing???? You think this is FUNNY? MY father invented TOASTER STRUDEL, bitch!
H: I’m sure he did, dear.
R: YOU CAN’T WEAR GOLD HOOPS! NOT EVEN WHITE GOLD HOOPS!!
THEY ARE TOTALLY NOT FETCH ON YOU!!!!!
H: Stop trying to make fetch happen, Rep. Roby. Now, tell Trey Gowdy that his hair looks sexy pushed back.
[Rep Pompeo again, for fuck’s sake]
Rep Pompeo : I need to re-ask you the same shit I asked you like 9 hours ago, capiche?
Hil: Jesus Christ. I repeat, do none of you have any hobbies? Interests? NETFLIX??
P: Whatever. Why didn’t you predict this attack? It already happened and then it happened again and why didn’t you know it already? And there were like hours and stuff happening and then there were guns and Imma throw in a Kansas and a Jesus reference.
H: Dude. You are short circuiting.
P: Defund planned obamacarehood.
H: Whoa, this is like the Stepford Wives.
P: [intern makes adjustment at Rep Pompeo’s circuit board] WHOOOOPEEEEEE!!!!
[intern makes another adjustment]
P: Okay. Yeah. I’m back.
H: Oh, goody.
P: Why didn’t you shoot all the things because the only way a bad Benghazi with a gun can be stopped is by a good Bengha—wait. Wrong cliche. INTERN!
[more adjustments made]
H: Can I ask the Rep a question?
[permission granted]
H: Are you battery powered or do you have a charging station?
parenting guide for grown-ups 