Rep. Elijah Cummings: Okay shit is going to get REAL now.
Trey Gowdy:Fuck. Where is Darrell Issa when we need him?
EC: YOUNG MAN, SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I AM DONE PLAYING WITH YOU ALL. WE ARE ALL DONE PLAYING HERE.
TG: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [ears quivering in terror]
EC: I AM NOT EVEN HAVING THIS SHIT.
TG: uh, well, I can totally raise my voice too and stuff but it is way harder bc I’m trying to make shit up at the same time
[EC receives a note: probably from Hilary, and probably reading “KICK ASS, DUDE!! YESSSSS!”]
TG: Blah and blah and blah and let me let my voice go up and down and stuff–
EC: [EPIC FUCKING SIDE EYE]
TG: *cries*
[adjourned for lunch]
parenting guide for grown-ups 