Older and more annoying

Female Old(brightly): Guess what [another relative] showed me how to do?!

Me: How to serve meals that incorporate side dishes?

FO: Hahaha! Good one! No! She showed me how to use that Clist Lick thing!!

Me (to self: I never wanted the olds to become quite this accepting of lesbianity.): Uh. WHAT?

FO: You know! That Kroger thing! Where they put the groceries in your car!!

Me (momentarily relieved): OH. You mean CLICK  LIST.

FO(cheerily, almost demonically so): Yes!!  She showed me on the computer and everything!

Me: Oh she did, did she. Did she or [her husband] set it up for you on your phone?

FO: Oh, no! But now I understand how it works!!

Me: You do, do you? Did they at least download the Kroger app for you?

FO: App? What app?

Me: Shades of Young Frankenstein.  THE KROGER APP WHICH IS HOW YOU USE CLICK LIST.

FO (leadingly): Oh! No, I haven’t set that up….YET!

Me: Nope.

FO: What? What does that mean?

Oldest Old: (starts laughing)

Me: No. I am not setting it up for you.

OO: (laughs harder)

FO: Oh, I wasn’t going to ask you! (giggles)

Me: You know how much I hate grocery shopping.

Both Olds: (descending into hysterical laughter)

Me: I mean, I really, REALLY fucking hate it!

BO: (laughter becomes outright guffaws interspersed with hoots of delight)

Me: I WOULD RATHER DO THE SHOPPING EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE THAN HELP YOU SET UP ONE THING ON YOUR IPHONE, EVER. GODDAMMIT.

[Exeunt Me, to the gleeful hooting and hollering and shouts of delight of the Olds]

Yeah. I’ve been away for a while. But they’re getting Older. And Worse. And the world needs to know of my struggle.

 

 

 

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