No matter how small the jar of capers looks on the shelf, after it falls and bounces off of your foot and smashes into pieces, it will contain an infinite amount of capers.
Except, of course, in the kind of home where caper bottles are balanced on mustard jars which are stacked on top of expired cans of tomato soup and where cleaning appliances serve primarily as paperweights for a weeks’ worth of newspapers, there is no such thing as paper.
2. The contents have been cleaned up as well as can be expected with the vacuum cleaner in the state that it is not in
3. The dog should not be allowed to lick the delicious caper flavored floor due to the possibility of glass
4. But, the humans should feel free to do so
5. After which, they must vacuum the area and then
6. Remove all glass containers of food items from pantry and place them somewhere where they cannot be precariously balanced on stacks of things that are about to fall off of overstuffed shelves, and then,
7. They should also observe the kitchen counters and note the many glass items which are, as usual, located less than one inch from the edge.
8. They are then requested to ask themselves about the level of clumsiness that they possess, and how that and the laws of gravity could conspire together and cause more events that will necessitate more notes like this one.
By the time most people are my age, which is 46, they probably have a bad roommate story or two or five.