REPRESENTATIVE ELIJAH CUMMINGS TAKES THE FLOOR, BITCHES.
Rep. Cummings: Being a US Ambassador is an honor and a duty and fuck you motherfuckers all to hell for putting on this shitshow. You all need to FIND MORE TO DO.
Find a hobby. Learn to knit. Join a book club. Put up a bird feeder. ANYTHING. You people have too much free time on your hands. Maybe you should all get part time jobs.
Besides this one, I mean.
I yield back to you, Mr Chairman, because I can’t even.
GowdyElf: Birdfeeders?????AS IF. Oh great, what’s next, free egg daycare? Socialized bird medicine?? I am NOT going to be responsible for creating a class of dependent bird freeloaders!
(wave of approving noises from other bird hating members of GOP)
GowdyElf: Okay it is totally late and I am gonna need to amp this shit up here.
Lie lie lie lie lying liars and lied yes I am totally lying my pointy little ass ears off and whoa listen I am raising my weedy little voice! I am outraged and stuff!! Goddammit I have got to get these ears fixed!!
H: You are such a mess, little weasel man.
GE: EEEEMAAIILLLLL!!!!!!!
H: Oh Jesus LORD. Where is Bernie? I am asking him to be my VP right now and his main duty is just going to be screaming about how sick everyone is of my email.
GElf: email email emailish emailtastic hey what is that are you passing notes, bitch? Waaaaa waaaaaa baby talking to her fancy lawyers waaaa
H: do you even know how government works????
GElf: I AM TELLING ON YOU.
*cries*
H: oooooooh. I sure am scared, Weaselface.
[adjourned]
parenting guide for grown-ups 